fic: made you look (fma)
Aug. 12th, 2009 10:32 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jukeboxhound_backupMade You Look
Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist
Pairing: None
[Humor, oneshot]
“OH MY GOD YOU’RE A VIRGIN?”
“Brother!”
Everyone turned to look at one another at the exclamation. Edward and a restored Alphonse had disappeared into the Fuhrer’s office about an hour ago, but when nothing had been immediately transmuted or blown up it seemed that this would be one of those uncommon, but not entirely rare, days of calm.
Now, Havoc was looking at Hawkeye with utter bewilderment. “Didn’t they come to report on that one mission to Xing?”
“Yes,” she replied stiffly, still staring at the closed office door.
“Then how the hell did they get around to talking about…well, that?”
How, indeed.
The details of the actual conversation were not particularly important. It had started with Edward rattling off information about his and Alphonse’s latest mission to Xing with little coherence and no respect, and Roy (now Fuhrer Mustang) listened patiently until the broken narrative wound down. Then he’d leapt upon something Ling had purportedly said to Edward, which led to accusations of perversity and pedophilic tendencies, to which
And somewhere in the course of all that, Roy Mustang – Grand Poobah of Amestris, Master Manipulator, Ladies’ Man and All-Around Bastard, had let slip a vital little piece of information.
“OH MY GOD YOU’RE A VIRGIN?”
“Brother!”
“Fullmetal – “
“AHAHAHA.”
“You’re a virgin too, Brother,” Alphonse broke in calmly, and Edward, rolling on the floor laughing, suddenly choked.
“But I’ve got an excuse! I’m still young – “
“As a five-year-old,”
“ – but the Colonel Bastard here is practically in his fucking grave. He probably had dinosaurs as pets. Did they invent color in photographs before or after you were born?”
“…You do realize I’m not a colonel anymore, right?”
Edward waved off that bit of trivia breezily, far more concerned with taking
“I don’t think it counts if you and Winry were both six.”
“The side with the greater reach, as it were,” the Fuhrer threw in smoothly, and with the long patience developed by someone related to Edward Elric, Alphonse successfully resisted the urge to hit the older man.
“Who are you calling so short he couldn’t reach the table without a sixteen-foot ladder?”
“You, apparently.”
“Brother…” Alphonse tried, but he was easily ignored.
“I HATE YOU SO MUCH.”
The Fuhrer demonstratively yawned. “For being regarded as such a prodigy, Fullmetal, you do have a tendency to repeat yourself.”
“Yeah, well, you’re a middle-aged virgin. What’s the matter, you got a few problems? Maybe you’re a bit too much like your alchemy, all about the flashy displays without the drive to follow through?”
“At least my alchemy hasn’t deprived me of vertical advantages.”
It was instinct by now for Alphonse to grab his brother’s shoulders and keep his flailing limbs from the smirking
One of these days, it was probably going to fall to him to make the two morons get a clue.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2009-08-12 05:53 am (UTC)But I am!
no subject
Date: 2009-08-18 05:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-12 12:27 pm (UTC)“Who are you calling so short he couldn’t reach the table without a sixteen-foot ladder?”
*snorts in her coffee*
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Date: 2009-08-18 05:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-12 01:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-18 06:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-14 05:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-18 06:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-08-18 08:28 pm (UTC)how are you doing? you don't have to answer if you don't wish to.no subject
Date: 2009-08-14 05:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-05-04 08:41 pm (UTC)Zaz