the heart is the philosopher's throne

Also the year in which I:

1. finally, finally changed my pseudonym after a decade, natch
2. finished a master's degree with only one minor emotional breakdown and one incident of locking myself into awkward places at 4am and zero incidents of accidentally making out with a stranger that I remember, this is progress
3. realized the plan I'd made for my life six, no, seven, no, eight years ago isn't actually gonna cut it BUT HEY that's why you become a bohemian artist selling knitted cockwarmers on Etsy
4. re-rediscovered my old love of comics (PWOK!)
5. did marginally better in keeping up with people on my flist, at least for a little while, whatever, it's the thought that counts
6. failed to complete any multichaptered fics (see items 2, 3, and 4)
7. met and adored fateofshadow IRL and decided that chofi needs to be convinced to move to California using whatever means are necessary boobs

In this episode of my yearly review is a list of what fics I did manage to write, where I keep my recs and bookmarks, and the other sites to which I've spread my presence, not that I've been particularly active online lately.  Like syphilis, in a way, although LJ remains my cesspit lair vomitorium headquarters, and there are slightly fewer terminal cases of death.


( I do, I swear. )

If I've been remiss in responding to anyone lately or keeping a promise (hsifeng, the other day I came across music on my external drive I didn't recognize and then remembered, oh yeah, that was for you, I need to get on that) now is a good time to poke me.  I'm off work and volunteer duties for the next week and grounded with the beginnings of a cold besides, so I can't even use driving aimlessly around the countryside as an excuse for metaphorical radio silence either, and I have like 300 fandom-related emails in my 'jukeboxhound' email I should probably go through, what, I can totally pull off this 'responsibility' thing like a goddamn boss.

Tomorrow.

Eir's Tomorrow

R || Sephiroth/Cloud, Zack/Aeris || WIP
Cloud is the Planet's greatest weapon, and if he can't fix old wrongs and battles then he may end up being the means by which it all ends (again).

• this is the version that's been heavily revised since its original posting


• canon: original game, first half of Crisis Core, parts of Before Crisis, and Advent Children: Complete; DoC never happened

AO3 || FF.Net

finnish translation || omake || side-stories || gift-fic || gift-art || misc.

( Warnings and disclaimers. )

Blame fateofshadow  for redoing this.

Imperfect Tense

Original || FF.Net || DreamWidth

Pairings: Sephiroth/Cloud; Seifer/Squall (previous implicit Squall/Rinoa)
Canon: FFVII + FFVIII (no CC, BC, AC, DoC, or any other spinoffs)
Rating/Warnings: R – Battle violence, implicit sexual content, foul language; time-travel, of sorts.  Unbetaed.
Summary: Jenova's legacy, living on through the Sorceresses, is forcing Squall to face an unstable Seifer, Cloud Strife, and yet another potential end of the world. Maybe paperwork really wasn't so bad.
Disclaimer: The original inspiration was Konitsu's Bandages, way the hell back in high school. 

| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | ...

Living Chemical Child

Main Pairing: Established Sephiroth/Zack/Cloud
Canon: FFVII (original game only) + Fullmetal Alchemist
Rating/Warnings: Light R - alchemical torture (naturally), some sexuality, meandering thoughts on alchemy and philosophy, general unhappiness.
Summary: It wasn't like Hojo had left clear instructions on how to reverse a sacrifice to the Gate.  Unbetaed.
Note: While the FMA characters will be crossing over, the primary focus is on Sephiroth, Zack, Cloud, and their particular situation.  This story is really more a series of related oneshots than a proper multipart.
Disclaimer: The title and some of the subtitles (and their meanings) are taken from Robert Allen Bartlett's book, Real Alchemy.

I. Terra Damnata.
II. Ora et Labora.
III. Circulation.
IV. Mercury of Air.
V. Philosophical Working.
VI. Separation.
VII. Fire.
VIII. Oil of Silver.

Continuously updated.

Main fandoms:

• The Avengers


• The Dresden Files


• Final Fantasy VII


• Final Fantasy VIII


• Fullmetal Alchemist


• Gundam Wing


• Harry Potter


• Merlin


• Rise of the Guardians


• Sherlock Holmes (lit. and 2009 movie)


• Skyfall


• Supernatural


• Teen Wolf


• X-Men: First Class

For other fandoms with only one or two recs, you can look through the rest of the tags, the library itself, or my bookmarks on AO3, many of which aren't bookmarked on Diigo because I'm a lazy asshole.

• Mass disclaimer: Not my characters, not for profit, etc.


• General warnings: Foul language and innuendo.  Themes like suicide/murder, torture, sexuality, discrimination, mental illness, and occasionally noncon/rape.  I do enjoy writing crack, however.


• Organization: Fandom, then chronological order of publish date.

________________________

Avengers
untitled 'Carol + back-from-the-dead!Steve'
MCU || PG - post-Civil War || Carol, Steve || ~480 words
For captainsmarvelandamerica, who wanted a take on the background convo between Carol and Steve on his miraculous return from the dead post-Civil War.

Lessons Learned at a Crucial Point in Time
21 Dec 2012 || PG-13 || Tony Stark, the team || ~4,860 words
Several times Tony had no one to save him but himself, and one time he did.

Dreaming Electric
27 Oct 2012 || NC-17 || Steve/Tony (Tony/Pepper breakup, bawww) || ~48,000 words
New York City is still rebuilding in the wake of the Chitauri army when the biotech virus Extremis is released, upgrading a lone domestic terrorist into a posthuman threat. Tony would’ve been happy to keep going on playing with alien tech in his lab, saving average citizens as Iron Man, and pretending not to notice these other people moving into his tower, but sometimes a person just can’t have nice things.

• Written for the Cap-Iron Man Big Bang 2012

this grey house where I come from
18 Aug 2012 || MCU || PG-13 || Steve/Tony, past Tiberius/Tony || 3,900 words
There was never any actual violence, nothing dramatic or traumatizing, so Tony doesn’t know why ancient history can occasionally make him feel nauseous, or why some of the most innocuous and nonthreatening things that come out of Steve’s mouth can make his breath stutter.

And You Wonder Why We Ain't Got Nothing to Say
15 May 2012 || MCU || PG-13: drug-use || Tony+Bruce being SCIENCE BROS || 1,550 words
"You really have got a lid on it, haven't you? What's your secret? Mellow jazz? Bongo drums? Huge bag of weed?"

Put My Guns in the Ground (I Can't Shoot Them Anymore)

• MCU; PTSD and team dynamics

1. The Minor Fall, the Major Lift
12 Mar 2012 || MCU || PG-13 || light Steve/Tony || 4,800 words
2. While Everyone's Lost (The Battle Is Won)
14 Apr 2012 || MCU || PG-13 || Steve/Tony || 6,900 words


Dishonored

the world has teeth
1 May 2015 || R (sexuality, violence); post-Low Chaos || Corvo/The Outsider || ~13.5k words
The Outsider says, "I will give you a name, as I did for Daud. I do not play favorites, Corvo, but I'm interested to see which future you will choose when you realize how easily it could have all fallen apart, no matter how hard you tried or how many despots you ruined." Corvo's tempted to ask why are you doing this even though he already knows the answer.  "Find Delilah."

the world cuts deeper (when love's in my hands)
31 Dec 2013 || R (violence); High Chaos!Corvo, Low Chaos!Daud || Billie Lurk/Delilah Copperspoon || ~3,800 words
When Daud dies, Billie is heading for a ship to take her to Morley.

• For tumblr's Dishonored Secret Santa.

The Boatman, Crossed by Death
6 Aug 2013 || R (violence) || The Outsider, Samuel, Corvo || ~7,500 words
"I know all the stories," says the Outsider. "I know all the beginnings, and all the endings. But it's the telling of them that changes, and Samuel knows far more than he thinks he does."

crossing the heartline
21 Jun 2013 || PG-13 (Low Chaos) || Corvo, the Outsider || ~840 words
He tells himself that he doesn’t kill every goddamn target because she wouldn’t have wanted him to. He reminds himself that Emily shouldn’t begin her reign on a foundation of corpses infected by something much more ruthless than plague. Truth is: it isn’t true. Not entirely.


Final Fantasy Crossovers

Imperfect Tense
WIP || R || Seifer/Squall; Sephiroth/Cloud
Jenova's legacy, living on through the Sorceresses, means that Squall has an unstable Seifer on his hands as well as another impending apocalypse. He doesn't know what to do with these awkward people claiming to be ancient warriors brought back to fight an alien menace, and really, maybe paperwork hadn't been so bad after all.

Human Wreckage
10 Jan 2015 || PG-13 (language) || Squall, Cloud, Lightning || ~1,400 words
No one wins in the Oppression Olympics, but some people do suck better than others.

• Part 3 of the Perspective & Opinion series.

You Got It Made (With the Guy in Shades)
11 Jul 2014 || PG-13 (language) || Squall, Cloud, Lightning || ~2,500 words
People who can hold coherent conversations about feelings with the titles of songs from the 80s and 90s deserve their own level in hell.

• Part 2 of the Perspective & Opinion series.

The Asshole Effect
4 Jun 2014 || PG-13 (language) || Squall, Cloud, Lightning || ~2,400 words
A book of absurdity, a pencil with a fancy stamp, and a rambling conversation between three assholes in Starbucks.

• Part 1 of the Perspective & Opinion series.

Eir's Tomorrow
24 Jul 2014 || R (violence, PTSD, time travel) || Sephiroth/Cloud, Zack/Aeris, Aeris/Tifa
Cloud is the Planet's greatest weapon, and if he can't fix old wrongs and battles then he may end up being the means by which it all ends (again).

wasteland
21 Mar 2014 || PG-13 || Zack, Cloud || ~1,100
Sometimes your worst enemy is just normal life.

Black Magic Woman
Fusion with SPN, which essentially means a modern AU with monster hunting.

• 1. Too Daze Gone: 15 Jun 2013 || PG-13 (language, innuendo) || Aeris/Tifa pre-slash || 4,100 words


• 2. This Isn't Going to Wash Out: 3 Jun 2011 || NC-17: anthro!tentacle!wing!sex, omgwut || Sephiroth/Zack/Cloud || 3,650 words


• 3. god put a song on my palm: 30 Mar 2011 || PG-13 - some sexuality || Tifa/Aeris || 1,850 words

How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?
7 Jun 2011 || || PG || gen/OT3 subtext
Postcard!fic for artimusdin.

An Expert in Name-ology
18 Jun 2011 || PG-13 (language, threats of bodily harm) || Zack, Sephiroth/Cloud || 1,000 words
How Zack settled on 'Spike' as Cloud's fanon nickname.

Don't Nobody Know (But God)
24 Apr 2011 || PG-13: complete AU || hinted Zack/Cloud, Sephiroth || 730 words
But none of ‘em see the angel by the door ‘cept the man that saw ‘imself reflected in a corpse’s eyes, an’ if that corpse were once the person Strife loved most in all this ugly world, well, ain’t no-one gonna say life’s anywhere near kind.

• For Prompt #76: Music, from 100_situations

Imagine Them All in Their Underwear
13 Feb 2011 || PG-13 - language, innuendo || Zack/Cloud, Sephiroth/Zack/Cloud/Aeris || ~1,800 words
Zack wants Cloud's help, but passing notes in front of the whole of ShinRa while the president is giving a speech probably isn't the way to ask.

• Birthday fic for artimusdin


• Includes pictures of the notes, ahaha.


• Also for Prompt #1: Hide, from 100_situations .

Breathe In
4 Feb 2011 || R - sexuality, drug-use || Zack/Cloud || 4,200 words
Shotgunning and a lazy evening sky.

• Prompt #49: Stoned, from 100_situations .

Tenacity
7 Sep 2010 || PG || unrequited Tifa/Cloud || 460 words
It would be funny if it wasn't so sad.

Lament for the Death of Dark Gothic Innocence
28 Jul 2010 || PG13 - language, innuendo || Zack/Aeris, Vincent, Cid || 1,300 words
“I dunno, I kinda like spending my Friday nights hanging out in dark forests full of blasphemy,” he replied. “How about you?"

The Satisfaction of Being Right
6 Jul 2010 || PG13 - language || suggested Sephiroth/Cloud || 220 words
"I was totally right."

• Timestamp for Eir's Tomorrow

Bloodlines
2 Feb 2010 || PG13 - language || Sephiroth/Cloud || 1,900 words
Sephiroth wasn't very pleased to catch Cloud slipping into his quarters.

• Future AU of Eir's Tomorrow, lolwut

Divinity's Liar
23 May 2006 || PG  || Hojo, Sephiroth || 650 words
Perhaps God was not so mundane a construct. After all, Hojo had created one.


Final Fantasy VIII
Avoidant Tendencies
13 Jul 2006 || PG13 - language, innuendo || Squall/Seifer || 2,400
Squall is torn between his duties as Commander and his obligations to a sick, irritable Seifer.

A Death Foretold
27 Apr 2006 || PG13 - violence || past Squall/Seifer || 1,200 words
We all knew Squall was cold. After all, mercenaries kill for the highest bidder.
4 Mar 2006 || PG13 - language, outsider POV || Squall/Seifer || 4,800 words
Leonhart was the intimidating Commander of Garden, and Almasy was the feared Former Bad Guy. Everyone knew they hated each other, and all was right with the world. At least, until a few cadets overheard a strange conversation.


Fullmetal Alchemist
Made You Look
12 Apr 2009 || PG13 - language, crack || Roy+Ed || 700 words
Having a reputation for something doesn't mean it's true.


Gundam Wing
Alpha & Omega
Pairing: 1x2x3x4x5
Rating/Warnings: R - yaoi, sex, violence, supernatural, magic!AU.
Summary: Even in a world of vampires and shapeshifters, of black magic and transient physics, the five Gundam pilots were unusual.

Blood Brothers
Complete, 2 parts.
Pairings: None, but maybe 1x2x3x4x5 if you want to read into it.
Rating/Warnings: Implicit descriptions of torture and mention of NCS. Post-EW.
Summary:  Terrorists aren't known for forgiveness.

The Language of Angels
Abandoned.
Pairing: 1x2; 3x4
Rating/Warnings: R - yaoi, violence, politics, dark themes, supernatural, AU
Summary:  Learning to love death means learning to love life.

death is the ultimate equal-opportunity employer
8 Sep 2010 || PG13 - language, imagery || Gen (1x2 preslash) || 1,100 words || fusion with SPN
Death ain't got an opinion until you go fucking around with his job.

Reverse Psychology (revised edition)
27 May 2010 || PG13 - language, innuendo || Gen || 6,200 words || sort-of prequel to In Possession
Most people join Preventers to protect world peace.  Most people, except Duo.

In Possession (revised edition)
7 May 2010 || PG13 - language || 1+2 || 2,200 words
You know those fics where Duo's horribly abused and needs a dashing savior like Heero to put the pieces back together? Yeah, this isn't one of those.

Honor
9 Jun 2009 || PG || Established 2x5 || 400 words || timestamp for Maldoror's amazing Freeport, written with permission.
The mood was oddly sober as Duo slipped the leather collar from Wufei’s throat.

The Cross
28 Apr 2009 || PG || Duo || 350 words
Satan was a rebel too.

Street-rat
28 Jan 2009 || PG13 - language || 1x2x5 || 970 words
Duo was normally as self-controlled as any of the other pilots; Heero and Wufei wouldn’t have trusted him at their backs in the field if he wasn’t.

Rare Is the Man
2009 || PG13 - fantasy AU || 1+2 preslash || 860 words
"Rare is the man who can love Death without regret."

Misc